It Takes a Village to Raise a Good Parent

There is a photo on my desk that I love because of what it represents. It’s a picture of my two oldest children, decked out in rain gear with a shiny new swing set gleaming in the background. The kids are young in the photo, a three-year-old and an 18-month-old. Just like most photos, looking at this one brings back so many memories.  

We were living in Maine that summer and it seemed like it rained every day. Gazing at this version of my kids made me think of the young woman, this younger version of myself, and how she got through life back then.  

The days during that Maine summer seemed incredibly long. Looking back at myself, I’m proud of how I handled the day-to-day challenges. When the efforts of daily life became overwhelming, I had a "village" of support to help me. As a mom of young children, I had already begun to gather fellow parents around me. This village of parents not only taught me a great deal, it improved my own parenting skills and made my life healthier.  

These days I still invoke my village of parents. Since that long ago summer in Maine, my husband and I have added one more child to the family and have moved twice with our family of five. Because of those moves, we haven’t had the gift of our own parents living nearby. We’ve missed the experience of doting grandparents who swoop in and help out at a moment’s notice, driving the children to their activities, or even taking the grandkids for a few nights so my husband and I could have a short vacation.

Very early on, that distance from our families taught me the importance of building a village so I was not parenting alone. My physician husband spends weekends, holidays and weeknights "on call." These are the same hours when the kids have games, practices, school functions and other activities. As a parent, it’s important to realize that you can’t do this alone. Helping each other, as well as supporting other parents, is something we all need to do.  

There doesn’t need to be a formal structure to your village of parents, just a willingness to lend a helping hand when the need arises. In the beginning, my village of parents would come over to visit while our children played. How I relished the adult conversation during those playdates. Later on, when our third child arrived, they showed up at my door with meals. During one difficult time, when our youngest wasn't sleeping through the night, a mom from preschool insisted on coming to my house to play with my kids so I could take a nap. I’ve never forgotten how this one act of consideration impacted my life. 

Over the years, my village has shown me that even the smallest act of kindness can change the world of someone who needs it. If you don’t have your own village, begin to build one now! Building your village and then allowing them to help you will have a positive effect on your health and your children’s health. One of the primary benefits is your children soon realize that life is still good even if you aren’t at every practice or game. Life goes on if their mom ceases to be the constant chauffeur and instead, becomes part of a carpool.  

Your health, peace of mind, and well-being can blossom with the help of your village. If you carpool with other parents, you help share the common stress load of transporting the kids and you also help contribute to a healthier environment by saving on gas. When your village does the carpooling for you, you can use that time to become healthier through exercising, cooking a healthy dinner or enjoying some down time by reading a book.

There are a thousand ways to be part of this village and just as many ways to build it. Here are a few tips to help you begin creating your own personal community:

• Play with your kids outside the house. That may seem simple and obvious but we can get so wrapped up in the comfort of home that we don’t get outdoors as much as we should.
• Say "hello." That’s right, just practice connecting. Whether you are at the local coffee shop or the park, strike up a conversation. You will be amazed at where a simple, “Hi, I’m ___” will take you.
• Go to a local farmers market. Not only can you teach your kids how to choose healthy vegetables for dinner, you could meet another like-minded parent that shares some common interests. Your village doesn’t only have to revolve around your children. Just connecting with other adults can keep you from feeling the "mom burnout." They can remind you of who you are in the world.
• Look around you and take inventory of the people you already encounter every day. Mr. Rogers, the famous children's show host, shared that his mother told him in a crisis to "look for the helpers." That advice has stuck with me. Take a truthful assessment of the people around you. Who always offers to lend a hand?
• Host an event. Open your house or your yard and invite neighbors, your kid’s soccer team or school classmates. Make it an ongoing event where different parents host a party at their own homes.
• Give back. Practice being there for others when they are in need. Sometimes we are reluctant because we don’t want to feel like a burden but remember how good it feels just knowing someone cares enough to lend their support. 

Finding time for yourself doesn’t have to be a problem. As long as you make YOU a priority, even a tiny bit of desire will ignite the spark that lights the way to a healthier and happier you.  

Joining a group of other like-minded women who are just trying to manage everything without feeling overwhelmed is another great way of building a village. Sometimes the best parts of your village are the other women who simply "get" who you are.  

I wanted women everywhere — no matter where they live — to be able to have a village they can depend upon. That’s why I created MECamp, a virtual summer camp for busy women. MECamp is intended to help you remove the badge of busy-ness and guide you to putting the focus back on YOU. MECamp opens its doors on August 1. For more information on MECamp and what it can do for you, please click here.