FOOD. What words immediately come to mind when you read the word FOOD? Some may include: love, hate, comfort, stress, fat, delicious, enemy, friend, diet, binge, restrict. Powerful words. Contradicting words.
Food and feelings are tightly woven together. The connection between eating and emotions is ingrained in us from the start. From the moment we arrive on this earth, food is what connects us to our mother as she brings us to her breast or bottle. After a traumatic passage from womb to world, the infant is comforted by their mother’s sustenance. It's no surprise that we are hardwired to crave comfort from food. With stress, anxiety, and depression, we often seek foods to make us feel calm and comfortable, but that doesn't mean it stops if we're happy. Celebrating milestones, holidays, a job promotion, anniversary, etc. are all associated with special meals, typically including drinks and dessert
A recent article in Women's Health Magazine stated that as many as 75% of women are distressed about their relationship with food. Our relationship with food, especially for women, have been closely examined over the past decade. The terms 'food addiction, 'emotional eating, 'compulsive eating,' and 'obsessive eating' are topics being covered in magazines, therapy offices, and television shows like The Biggest Loser and The Dr. Oz Show.
The women I work with are smart, talented, and very put-together. Surprisingly, or maybe not, the majority of these women have expressed feeling like they're 'going crazy' when it comes to food and the power it has over them in their lives. Women speak with shame about binging, losing control, sneaking food when their husbands are asleep, food as their best friend, worst enemy, and food as their daily escape or reward. Beyond the consequence of negative body image women feel like they have a dirty secret.
What’s going on? In many ways, we all know what’s going on. Moms are tired and stressed. Moms feel alone, unsupported at times, and disconnected from others. Throw in deadlines, financial concerns, and did I mention feeling tired? Food is a reward. It’s an instantaneous opportunity to 'check out' for a few minutes, delight our senses, and forget, for one second, all the day’s chaos. It’s legal, socially acceptable, available, and affordable. We can reach for food and immediately feel comforted and fill a void. For too many women, food has become a drug and they feel powerless to it.
The concept of mindfulness is often applied to food-based issues. Geneen Roth has written for decades on this subject. She provides insight that suggests a powerful shift takes place when we think about why we misuse food. Misusing food is eating for reasons other than hunger, in a way that feels out-of-control, and leaves us feeling ashamed and angry at ourselves. Been there? Geneen suggests that in that moment, women (and some men) use food to care for themselves when feeling internal discomfort. Whether we're conscious of it or not, we're actually soothing a need with food. While it may seem to work temporarily, this strategy actually increases emotional strain overtime.
Can you think of some of the horrible things you tell yourself after you lose control of your eating? We often avoid, or lack the skills it takes, to confront what is really going on, so we fill the void with food. For many, this battle drives you to turn to diets. Diets will not work and only serve to deepen the sense of failure and powerlessness. Switching back and forth from emotional eating and dieting becomes a vicious cycle.
If this is something you struggle with, you're not alone. Chances are that many women you interact with everyday have the same secret. They're the ones on the never-ending diets. How do we know you're surrounded by emotional eaters just like you? Because, remember, 75% of women we see everyday, everywhere, struggle with these same issues. We often feel alone in this, but we're not.
The good news is that the right type of support DOES exist. The first step towards a solution is admitting to yourself you need support for this issue. You must be open to finding new tools besides food to care for and comfort yourself. Here are some helpful steps:
The first thing you want to develop is AWARENESS. I use STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN as the first exercise.
When you sense the urge to turn to food, STOP! Look inside. Are you tummy hungry or head hungry? Is your stomach growling? When you are tummy hungry, your hunger builds. Head hunger goes away when we distract ourselves. Are you experiencing a physical sensation or an emotional sensation? What are you feeling? Yes, I'm asking you to practice mindfulness.
Stress, boredom, anger, joy, exhaustion? LISTEN to the conversation in your head. Just as our external world sends signals for us to listen to, so does our internal world. What is the conversation going on in your head? Turn up the volume.
Write it down. Journals can be an extremely helpful tool as you work to develop your awareness around why you turn to food when you are not hungry. Create a simple STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN chart for yourself in your journal. When you have the urge to turn to food, use these cues as a way to decide what’s really going on.
Chances are, you may start to see a pattern. Often, one finds there can be some painful issues at the core of what is driving you to eat when you're not hungry. If, after journaling, you come to some distressing realizations, I suggest finding a local therapist, life or wellness coach, or nutritionist.
There are a variety of talented authors, such as Geneen Roth, Judith Beck, Karen Koening, and Jean Fain who provide support to women in life-changing ways.
Just remember, you are NOT crazy. You are NOT alone. You are strong, smart, and capable. If you commit to becoming more aware and mindful, you will not only improve your relationship with food….you will improve the quality of every relationship in your life, most importantly, the one with yourself.
*Norah Benincasa is the owner of Pedal and Pose Fitness Studio in Concord, MA. She is a certified personal trainer, spin instructor, TRX trainer, Body Pump trainer, more...and mom of five! Norah holds a masters degree in social work and is an expert in all things family fitness!
