Those last few hours at home with the kids in the evening before they get to bed are so hard. I know it's supposed to be a happy time - getting home from work, spending the precious time I have in the day with them. But instead, it is always so stressful. I'm tired from working all day, and I still have to get everyone through our entire nightly routine, including eating, baths, and everything else. The kids are usually the crankiest, and instead of enjoying this time, I dread it. There are usually multiple tantrums involved, lots of crying (not always just the kids), and screaming (again, not always just the kids). I feel horrible and am in a horrible mood at the end of the evening, and this is not how I want to live my life! What can I do?
Sound familiar? Anyone with kids, a job, and demands in life will probably raise their hands on this one. It's a problem that many of us face, only worsened by the guilt we often feel knowing we have such little time with our kids in the first place and not wanting to spend it in a horrible, stressed way. I get it, I've been there, and I still have these days. But, I've found some tips and tricks that help make these days the minority rather than our every day.
The last thing we want is to dread the time we have with our little ones. Before we know it, they will be grown up and not want us or need us in the same way, and we want to have fond memories of this age!
Take a breath
Before coming home from work or picking up your kids, take a minute to close your eyes and take five deep breaths. In that moment, remind yourself how much you love your kids, your job, and your life. Remind yourself why you are grateful and then go and open the door.
Slow down
Yes, I know you feel like you have to get everything done before bedtime. But take a minute to slow down. While the kids are in the bath, take a minute to look at them laughing, smiling, or singing with you. Savor that moment and realize everything will still get done, even if you let them have a few extra minutes in the bubbles. It's OK. This is what life is all about.
Change it up
Routines are great for keeping things on track, but sometimes it's OK to go a bit off track. Do they really need a bath tonight? What if you skipped it and did something extra fun like had an impromptu dance party? They had a bath yesterday and will have one tomorrow. It's OK to change things up once in a while. It helps relieve stress and makes life a little more interesting.
Remember: they're kids
Sometimes, I forget to stop and try to understand why my child might be crying. Instead, I react with an angry, "You should not be crying! What is happening! Why are you doing this to me right now?" type of thought in my head. This never ends well, mostly because my child is not "doing anything to me," but instead is having a developmentally appropriate reaction to something going on. She could be overly exhausted from her long day, or something could have happened at school, or perhaps she is still hungry because she didn't eat enough dinner. I have to remind myself that it's not about me, but something else going on. So stop, breathe, realize it isn't about you, and try to take a more in-depth look at what is going on.
Know that this too shall pass
If it's been a particularly rough day and it seems like the tantrums just won't stop, remember, everything is temporary. It doesn't always feel that way at the moment, but even the rough times will pass.
Nobody is perfect. We all have our days. The key is giving yourself some grace and remembering you are doing your best, no matter what.
Payal Arora is a Certified Health Coach who helps women integrate healthier habits into their routines. Her goal is to help women live their healthiest, most vibrant lives.
